What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
