Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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