he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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