considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
