I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
