he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
It's just like the Real World with babies
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
