Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
