got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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