Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
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