Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
