I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
