This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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