If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
