You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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