Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
