should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
40s are totally the cure
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
i now understand why vodka
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Randomize
