Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
