Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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