Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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