You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
accomplished twins. life is a go
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
