please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
