Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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