I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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