I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Dicks are not precious.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
