the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
You pole danced in your parka.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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