You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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