Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
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I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
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I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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