I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Randomize
