Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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