Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
