were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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