I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
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