If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Let's get the cat blown out
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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