Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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