i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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