so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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