i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
