this beer tastes like vomit already
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
