Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
