im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Randomize
