Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
