Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
