Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
