yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
