I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
