just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
