I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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