apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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