Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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