so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
