Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize