Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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