it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
