I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
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