Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
