How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
