i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
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Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
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I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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