I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
