Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
