the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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