I accidentally burped into my bong.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
