it wasn't lemon gatorade
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
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i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
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Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.