Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants