Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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