just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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